Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
