They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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