Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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