Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
