I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
