Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
