Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
