Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
