Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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