I am in a vortex of obligation.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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