brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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