omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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