Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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