You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
