Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
