Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
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He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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