Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
