When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
