just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
