I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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