my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
