OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
do herpes really smell.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
