Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
