never play flip cup with pint glasses
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
