Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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