Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
