I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
