ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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