The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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