absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
