We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
