Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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