I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
