i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
