By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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