You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
