Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize