As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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