One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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