all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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