I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You are the jesus of drinking
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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