He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
