Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
