I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
