I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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