he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
