I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
