No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize