I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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