she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He kissed a someone with a penis
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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