woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
