it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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