the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
