im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize