Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
