my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
