i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
