Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
