I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize