the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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