My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
