and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
