I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize