marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
