the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
